I believe most people who are parents probably hit that wall, at least once in a while, where their patience is gone and they want to shout. They want to react, angrily, to their child who is being a child and who can therefore be frustrating to adults who want to get things done in a different way than the child. Whenever I start to feel like that, I try to back off and calm myself down. I am against corporal punishment and I don’t think shouting at my kid is a reasonable recourse, either.
So this evening Eowyn and I were outside after I’d hauled out the recycling. We have no fence in our yard (we rent, so it’s not like we can just put one up, either), it was getting dark, and she needed to come in. I told her several times and ended up carrying her in (she’s a toddler, this happens a lot). She had a meltdown, I wanted to have a meltdown, and then I thought, “I need to do some magick.”
This is a new one. Again, this is all so very new, and my spiritual instincts were originally honed in a very different religion. Previous reactions might have included a prayer focusing on repenting of my frustration, asking for forgiveness, and requesting more patience. Or, as I’ve done in later years, a move to knit something, or go put something away, or step away for a moment to breathe. But this time, I looked at my grouchy child and my grouchy self and went to google a patience spell that I actually had the ingredients for.
(Incidentally, I don’t know if all pagans think the abundance of sources on the internet is a good thing, but there’s something magical about it all the same. I’m aware that not everything I find on the internet is accurate or useful, but it’s proving to be a helpful resource right now since I’m not yet involved with the local pagan community. I’m doing book research, too, but the library has a limited selection on this topic and I have a limited budget for purchasing new books).
So I lit some candles and sprinkled some essential oil in a bowl of water and recited a spell, and Eowyn helped by exclaiming over the candles and dipping her fingers in the water after I had and then carrying the bowl off to sprinkle the water on my bed once I’d finished. Maybe that means I’ll have peaceful sleep tonight?
And I felt calmer and less irritated with my offspring. This was the way I needed to pause and breathe this time. Perhaps next time I’ll need to take some time with my knitting, or lose myself in some yoga for a while. But the spell was what I needed this time, and my newly developing instincts knew it.